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I told my computer I needed a break… now it won’t stop sending me “KitKat” ads.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

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I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

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What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.

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I used to play piano by ear… now I use my hands.

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Why can’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.

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I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.

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Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.

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